Confessions #3: The Great Copier Heaven In The Sky

Posted on by Dr. Linda Agnes Knowles

Confessions of a Former Church Secretary #3

THE GREAT COPIER HEAVEN IN THE SKY

By Linda A. Knowles

Brother Vincent, an elder in the church, grunted a hello at Poppy. He came over to her as she was throwing out a copier. When he saw what she was doing, he stood between her and the copier and sternly raised his voice, “Poppy, what are you doing?! Copiers cost a lot of money! Don’t you understand this?! You cannot throw this away!”

“But, Brother Vincent, it’s broken. Even the Copier Repair Man couldn’t resuscitate this thing. It prints globs of black ink on the paper and it failed every test the Copier Repair Man gave it. There is no redemption for this copier. “

But Brother Vincent insisted, “Call the Copier Guy again and have him come to fix it.”

“Brother Vincent, it would cost another $600.00 to get the Copier Repair Man back out here. They sent out what’s called a Specialist Copier Repair Man already. He said and I’m quoting the Specialist. He said, ‘How do I break this to you gently, Poppy? Your Copier has passed from this life into its next life to the Great Copier Heaven in the sky.'”

“So it’s not good then?”

“No, Brother Vincent, I’m sorry, but this copier is as dead as a doorknob.”

Brother Vincent was quiet for a moment as she could see he was thinking, “We may one day need to use this copier. So put it back in storage.”

“Brother Vincent, we have no storage room and it’s broken.”

“Well it prints. It just prints with globs of black ink. So it prints just not correctly so it’s still good. Just put it in storage. Do what I said,” he then left the office.

Pastor Grant came in and saw Poppy puzzled as she was putting the copier in the other room, “Didn’t you move that same copier out here to get rid of it?”

“Yes, Pastor.”

“Then, why are you moving it back to the other room?”

“Pastor Grant, Brother Vincent is 90 years old, and I have to respect my elders. I’m trying to make sure that if he strokes out that it is not because of me. It has to be because you told him the copier has got to go. Besides, you’re the Pastor. He has to listen to you.”

Be Careful For Those Dark Corners Where Sin Is Allowed To Dwell

Posted on by Dr. Linda Agnes Knowles

JEZEBEL’S WEB

Black Widow

The widow weaves her web so steadily,

Each silk strand in its place,

That dark corner that will ensnare,

Those simpletons in her space.

*

She’ll go against the Word of God,

And set the trap in place,

And there so obvious are her victims hung

On each and every strand that’s strung.

*

Her web expands in width and height,

The depths not truly known;

But each and every single strand

Holds those known and unknown.

*

She spun them in her silken web and slowly drains their blood,

Her victims with eyes sunken and ashen faces,

So pale from her unloving embraces,

But she cradles her human slaves,

Now bound by her vicious silken strands.

*

You see her web has stretched so far and wide,

Her dungeon blackened and damp;

And fools go down into her place,

To find themselves dying in disgrace.

*

Be careful for those dark corners,

Where sin is allowed to dwell,

Where transgressions are celebrated,

Where lies are free to swell.

*

Be careful for the black widow,

Who would try to claim your soul,

For the wickedness that is her,

Her name is Jezebel.

*

Written By Linda A. Knowles